KEY ISSUES
Observations by Key Monroe~~Home of Right Opinions, Cynical Viewpoints, and TMI in Hefty Doses |E-mail: keymonroe@hotmail.com
Wednesday, April 14, 2004

SNEAKIN' OFF
I've got new digs. I haven't formed a direct link, yet, because I was hoping to filter out a little unpopular traffic first.

So e-mail me, and I'll provide the new url.

...Although I'm certain many of you bright readers and bloggers are a step ahead of me, and have picked up on the less than subtle clues, or have followed a link from another site.

I'm still here and there anyway. Archives here, chillin' pad there. Readers here, MuNus there. English here, Latin there...

posted at 6:44 PM by Key |

MISSED OPPORTUNITY
Absolutely I watched the President last night. I caught the immediate feedback on Fox, but I must admit that I haven't made it around the blogosphere to get the real feedback.

I did check in with Baldilocks, who I knew would have something good to say, and I was right.

I appreciate him. I do. I'm on his side. Even if I weren't, I would be...because the alternative is too scary for words.

I do feel that there was a missed opportunity last night. I feel that the whole, "If you've made a mistake, what was it, and how would you do things differently..." could have been used more to his advantage.

That was his chance to say, "Well sure. You want mistakes, I could could spell a few out for you. In fact, I could Monday morning quarterback my whole life. Who couldn't? But given the knowledge that I had when I made the decisions that I did..." (continue with reinforcement of necessary measures taken in Iraq.)

Maybe that wouldn't have been the way to go. I don't write speeches. But, I really think he could have seized that opportunity to appeal to the fallible human side of the American public, yet come back with a strong finish. This leaves people with a feeling of huh, he is human, but a strong one, and a smart one, and one that may not be perfect for the job, but is best for the job.

Nobody is perfect for the job. But I can sleep at night with Bush in charge.

posted at 5:40 PM by Key |

Monday, April 12, 2004

PEER PRESSURE
I hear voices!

Come on, Key, everyone's doing it. Come with us...

Hmmm...I don't know.

Come on....You know you want to. It feeeels goood. It looooks gooood. Join usss....

Oh, whew, I'm not sure...what are the side effects of doing munu? I've never heard of it?

Side effectsss....no side effectsss, join usss...

Is this some sort of cult, where people are running around speaking in tongues, or worse, latin?

Cult! Of course not! We're just a bunch of good-hearted people who reach out to those who need us. heh..cult, right.

Yeah, okay. I'm in.

(Madfish Willie will be preparing my MuNuvian robes.)

posted at 7:31 PM by Key |

Friday, April 09, 2004

HOW MANY CUSS WORDS CAN YOU CRAM INTO ONE SENTENCE
WITH SAID SENTENCE MAINTAINING SOME SEMBLANCE OF GRAMMATICAL INTEGRITY?
I don't know, but I'm putting forth some serious effort over here. Yeah, it's been one of those days. I guess that's what I get for working on Good Friday.

I hope that you all have a wonderful weekend and a beautiful Easter.

posted at 4:19 PM by Key |

Thursday, April 08, 2004

SHE DOESN'T DO ANYTHING FOR ME
Is it just me? Is Julia Stiles actually sexy as hell?

I actually liked Save the Last Dance. She's a good actress, attractive even. But I don't think I would have used the words "pretty blonde" to describe her, as the author of this article did.

I can't help but wonder how many times the author switched out the adjective there before settling on that...

posted at 3:27 PM by Key |

JOINING THE REINDEER GAMES
I tried to stay out of it, really I did...I saw that abortion topic and quickly fled to another page, but then I went back today. I suppose I'll be getting troll-mail...again.

posted at 3:04 PM by Key |

I MISS JELLO PUDDING POPS!
...AND I HAVE BEEN MISSING THEM FOR ABOUT A DECADE NOW.
And then I hear a rumor...NO, DON'T TEASE ME! Are they back or not?

I want the real deal. Here's the petition. What's Jello's problem anyway? I think I singlehandedly bought enough to keep 'em alive.

posted at 1:56 PM by Key |

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

WEIRD DREAM
Okay, she posted hers, I guess I can post mine....but I don't think it makes any sense, that is, unless you people are going to go all Freudian on me.

A friend and I were staying at the home of a local couple. (They have a cute son, and I'm fairly convinced that he's caught the eye of a certain Miss Priss.)

Anyway, the accommodations were studio-type. Bed/bath/kitchenette all in one. I had my own bed, but everyone was in the same room. For some reason, this did not stop me from sleeping topless.

So the next morning, the happy couple took a shower together. Although everything was open, a modicum of privacy was afforded in the shower, thanks to the shower door.

After they were finished, the husband told me that it was my turn. So, I got up and headed toward the shower. I must have been moving too slowly; my overly nervous and severely modest friend beat me to it.

So I turned back toward the bed. I figured that was as good a place as any to wait my turn.

The husband was standing in front of the bed blocking re-entry. "Just use the tub," he said. It was an order.

I looked at the tub. It was a free-standing antique tub in the middle of the room. But okay, whatever. It did occur to me that I would be completely undressing in front of these people, but within the dream, it was a mandatory assignment.

So I undressed. Nobody really seemed interested, except for the husband. He watched, but not in a sexy way...more like a warden would watch an inmate undress for a shower.

As I peeled off the last thread of clothing, I looked up and made eye contact with him, as if to say happy? like whatchya see?

He grinned for the first time. "Nice eyes."

posted at 5:50 PM by Key |

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

I WANT TO BE A MAN IN MY NEXT LIFE
SERIOUSLY.
I'd make a great man. I thrive on business, enjoy entertaining kids, hate housework and love sex.

Okay, being female has its merits. I wouldn't trade the memory of feeling my child move within me for the first time for anything. And having the ability to throw on a low-cut dress and cause men to stammer all over themselves was certainly fun while it lasted.

But, you know what else would be fun? Having a wife... ah, yes. Every husband should have to be a wife first. I would be the most appreciative husband:

"Oh, honey...you didn't have to cook tonight; I was going to take you out! Oh, but it smells wonderful. What can I do to help?"

"So, the dry cleaner called, and I knew you wouldn't have time to swing by there with everything else you had to get done today, so I went by on my way home from work. I went ahead and picked up the forty pound bag of dog food from Wal-mart as well, since I know it's a real BITCH for you to load into the car when you go."

"Okay, we have about thirty minutes before we need to leave if we're going to be on time. I'll distract the kids so you can get ready. I'll put them to work matching up socks or something."

"Wow, you look absolutely stunning. ...I don't think I can wait to get you back home. Do we have a few minutes?"

Oh, hell yeah, I'd be a catch. Of course, it would be just my luck to marry a bitch.

posted at 5:59 PM by Key |

Monday, April 05, 2004

STUPID QUIZZES OF THE WEEK
I don't take them all, but sometimes I find myself reluctantly curious. Here are two that I took last week. I was drawn in after reading the Anton and Will's results. (No, the pics aren't going to make it; I don't know the blogspot tricks to make that happen.)

surprise
You have a surprise kiss! Your partner is always
pleasantly pleased to have you jump outta no
where to dote them with a fun peck on the cheek
or more passionate embrace. super markets and
work places are your favorite places to attack
your loved one with all your love.


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Grammar Fuhrer
You are the grammar Fuhrer. All bow to your
authority. You will crush all the inferior
people under the soles of your jackboots, and
any who question your motives will be
eliminated. Your punishment is being the bane
of every other person's existence, because
you're constantly contradicting stupidity.
Everyone will be gunning for you. Your dreams
of a master race of spellers and grammarians
frighten the masses. You must always watch your
back. If only your power could be used for good
instead of evil.


What is your grammar aptitude?
brought to you by Quizilla

And now my critique...
I like these quiz ideas, but I was hoping for a more stimulating test taking experience. I'm afraid that the first quiz was written for a rather inexperienced teenager/young adult, while the second quiz was just not challenging enough. Sure, it would be a great challenge for most of the people with whom I rub elbows on a daily basis, but anyone who considers himself/herself to be a writer on any level should be able to ace that one. Given that my writing is full of errors at worst, idiosyncrasies at best, I feel that I, for one, should not be receiving a perfect score on said topic....(Besides, I'd rather have a perfect score on the first quiz.)

posted at 6:53 PM by Key |

Friday, April 02, 2004

CAT PUKE
MORNING HAS BROKEN
in the Monroe household. Birds are chirping, pesky squirrels scampering, alarms being beaten to death, and somewhere in the peripheral of my consciousness, I hear my beautiful long-haired black cat upchucking her breakfast.

Is there any other sound ON THIS PLANET that can so immediately and so violently overwhelm someone with such a feeling of dread?

The dreaded task would normally be mine, but I was hoping that maybe...since it's common knowledge that I am NOT a morning person, and the other two ARE obnoxiously alert and chirpy morning freaks, just MAYBE I'd get out of it by pleading unconsciousness.

No such luck. Husband gets up, steps OVER the puke (which is luckily on the hardwood), lets the dog out, steps BACK over the puke, and gets in the shower.

Five minutes later...

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!! The cat puked!! Mom, look! Over here!! She puked here and she puked here....Are you awake? Do you want me to clean it up?"

Whoa, what? Could you say that last part again? What a novel idea--Miss Priss cleans up after her own pet. Great. I tell her to have at it.

I hear the sound of five pounds of toilet paper being dispensed onto the floor, then footsteps approach the vomit, then five pounds of toilet paper are thrown onto my bed...

"You do it, mommy! I can't; I tried!"

Okay, I've got one last trick to pull out of my bag. It's nasty, and I usually wouldn't go for it, but it was just too early in the morning. Chances were 50/50 I'd be cleaning it up anyway, but what the hell.

"Let the dog in."

"What?"

"She's at the door. Let her in."

"Okay." Footsteps to the door. Happy dog sniffs the open door, turns in a circle, licks Miss Priss and enters the room.

"OH GROSS!!! Mom!!! She's eating the cat puke...nasty!"

Ah, yes, one minor victory, five more minutes to sleep...

posted at 1:16 PM by Key |

Thursday, April 01, 2004

JITTERY KEY
THEY SHOULD PUT WARNING LABELS ON THIS STUFF!
Do you know what the secret ingredient is in Excedrin Migraine, huh, huh, do ya, do ya? It's CAFFEINE!! No headache, but trouble typing...fingers faster than brain...KEY STROKING DIFFICULTIES...(complicated by a touch of Eric Syndrome....no time to punctuate...must move on...)

posted at 12:40 PM by Key |

SOFTBALL COACHING
Look, it's not about winning; it's about building character, teaching the kids what teamwork is all about, it's about good sportsmanship. So we lost our first game; did we quit? Did we cry? No, we carried on with the bouncy, happy-go-lucky resilience that childhood has to offer.

And when the parents stopped crying....we picked up the pieces and went home.

We learned something very important that day... It doesn't pay to play by the rules in 7/8 softball. We ran one base on their errors, as the rules stated. They ran home on ours.

Not that it matters. We're cool. We don't have to win to know that.

GAME TWO
We hit the friggin ball. We ran on their errors. We did NOT throw the ball away all over the outfield. WE WON, yes we did!! We smeared them. We showed no mercy. Ahahaha! Na-na-na-na-na, in your face!

...Not that it matters. This is all about building character. That's all.

posted at 12:16 PM by Key |